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No relationship is perfect, and, most couples, even in a healthy relationship, could use some help in the areas of communication and cooperation. But some of the problems that you might face in a marriage may require some extra care and a little bit of additional help, be it research or various types of therapy. Regardless of other issues, partners in marriage should respect each other and work together as a team.
My wife of 21 years informed me that she wants to divorce. We tly own a home with nine years left on the mortgage.
Our savings contains a large sum of readily available cash that we use for emergency funds, college tuition and living expenses for our son -- and as a hedge should one of us lose our job. She says she wants to use all of the savings to buy her own place and that she would help me continue to pay the mortgage on our current home should I choose to continue to live there and I do plan to stay put.
I will have to fully cover all the household expenses and, since her salary is higher than mine, leaves me barely covering expenses on my own. There is more than enough money in the savings to completely pay off the current mortgage.
What in your opinion would be the better use of the savings? Forgive the wedding reference, but there are so many ways you can slice this cake. This is where co-dependency ends and a new life of independence begins.
There may be lots of room for compromise when it comes to paying for tuition for your son, or how long you decide to hang onto the family home, whether you should use the savings to sell the house now, but if you feel like your savings provide you with peace of mind, especially as you earn less than your wife, stick to that. Americans should have around six months of emergency savings in the event that something bad happens, yet most do not.
Your session is about to expire!
While you await the negotiations, take an inventory of your life insurance policies and retirement s including IRAs and k s and think about who you might want as a beneficiary in lieu of your soon-to-be ex-spouse. More baby boomers are getting divorced, studies show — one-third of boomers are now single — and will likely be more concerned about retirement given they are closer to retirement age, currently When you consult a divorce lawyer, think creatively.
Will you be doing any renovations on the home?
If so, that should be deducted from any final sale. Your wife has very clear ideas about what she wants from this divorce.
Unhealthy and dangerous patterns aren't always obvious.
It may not be what she gets, but you should also know exactly where you draw the line and areas that are open for negotiation. I have enlisted a divorce lawyer to give it to you straight. It could also be worse. You had 21 years together.
I hope they were happy. Spare a thought for this recent letter writer who only had two days.
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About the author
Hello there, MarketWatchers. Readers write in to me with all sorts of dilemmas: inheritance, wills, divorce, tipping, gifting. I often talk to lawyers, ants, financial advisers and other experts, in addition to offering my own thoughts.
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He earns less than his wife and wants to stay in the family home
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