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Have you? I envision someday connecting with someone on that level where you can just pour out your innermost thoughts, ambitions, fears, fantasies, secrets and know that they will not judge you for it. Just get it all out there, ya know? I think we all have things we have never told anyone else, perhaps things we are not proud of, or things that we know others might disagree with.
And it seems like the closer we get to a person, the harder it can be to tell them these things, for fear of rejection or disapproval. Why rock the boat, right?
Yet I desire nothing less than a totally open and honest relationship. Where we have that conversation early and often.
And if that's the goal, how do we get there? Its kind of scary actually.
Neither end of it. So clearly an honest relationship requires that both participants WANT to have the conversation and are able to keep an open mind and accept the other person's flaws or differences of opinion. In the past, when I have been attracted to a woman, I have been too fearful of "saying the wrong thing" to try and have the conversation early on.
Perhaps that was a mistake? I also think it may be easier to have the conversation with a near stranger. If the other person can't deal with what you have to say, then that is their problem. You have much less invested in the relationship at that point, so if they want to bailout because you opened up, fine.
So it makes sense to have the conversation sooner rather than later. Is it a good first date idea? I don't know I've never tried it. But maybe it could be eased into on a first date by saying "tell me one thing you've never told anyone else, and I'll tell you one of mine". Or it could be held with a pen-pal, met through CL for example.
But the danger here is that the other person may simply stop writing, and it kinda sucks to be halfway done pouring your heart out after 2 weeks of correspondence and then pffft But there is risk in everything I guess. Maybe both parties could agree in advance to fully hear the other person out. I look around me at the couples I know and I wonder how many of them have ever had the conversation.
Not many I bet.
I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Have you had the conversation? If you did, what was it like and do you feel it helped your relationship? Would you even WANT to have the conversation? Would you be able to divulge your most closely guarded secrets either to someone you trust, or to a stranger?
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The year before, I went with my now ex girlfriend and our "semi-adopted" little girl to the Pride Parade. Both experiences were very powerful for me, especially since I had slowly migrated from Lancaster Bible Belt County where I had little opportunity to fly my rainbow especially while living with my folks.
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At the most I became familiar with Sisters. I attribute this lack of knowing available resources to my lack of searching. The Equality Forum opened my eyes to area resources, and I wasted an opportunity to develop a sense of "family" in the time I had remaining living in Chestnut Hill.
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